Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Dear Zachary

Son, thank you for being such a ray of light in our lives. I've commented to daddy so many times, but I've got to write it down on this blog because I know you'll read this some day. Zachary; you bring so much JOY into our lives; into my life specifically, so much that you and daddy propel me to keep going every day and to keep fighting this cancer with everything that I've got. You are such a cutie pie Zachary. From sunrise to sundown. Although you are getting so active now, you have such a good heart. You are so sweet and intuitively know when to give someone a hug or a kiss goodbye, or to run up and cuddle someone. Meme and I dropped you off at the Y Child Watch today. You've started to develop some separation anxiety and cried before I even got to the child watch center to drop you off. I told the girls that if one of them held you and reassured you for a few minutes, that you would settle down. Well, half an hour into my class, the manager had to come and get me because you couldn't settle down. But that's ok, my sweet boy. I loved that you settled down once mama came and loved seeing you giggle and squirm and be all boy in the locker room as we waited for Meme to shower after her sauna. I can't keep up with you some days because I'm so tired from the chemo, but soon there will be a day when I can. And I can't wait to keep doing silly stuff with you like blow bubbles or chase your cars around or explore the leaves and insects outside. I hate having cancer son, but I am glad that you are too young to remember the time when mummy was sick. It is still emotionally hard for me to recall that you were only 3 months old when I was diagnosed with brain cancer last year and that our lives were rocked, but I believe that we have now found our groove, our new normal as a family and your daddy and I love you and love each other so much. More than I could possibly imagine. We are the three musketeers. So for that I am grateful. For each precious day that we get to spend with you, I am so grateful. Thank you for being you, baby boy. We love you xo

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