Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Name of my Devotional and What the stitches of an Awake Craniotomy look like a week and 2 days after surgery!

I knew the title of this post would grab your attention! Haha :-) I was right, huh? I thought I would post the title of my daily devotional, which is "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young, after a person wrote to me asking for the name. You know, I have never really been one for daily devotionals, BUT this one has captured by soul! It really has.

The daily devotional for today is:

I am the eternal I AM; I have always been, and I always will be. In MY PRESENCE you experience Love and Light, Peace and Joy. I am intimately involved in all your moments, and I am training you to be aware of Me at all times. Your assignment is to collaborate with Me in this training process.

I have taken up residence within you; I am central in your innermost being. Your mind goes off in tangents from its holy Center, time after time. Do not be alarmed by your inability to remain focused on Me. Simply bring your thoughts gently back to Me each time they wander. The quickest way to redirect your mind to Me is to whisper My Name.

Oh LORD JESUS, will you heal me? Please shrink this brain tumor. Only if it is Your Will, Lord. Ok? Thanks for listening to my prayer. I have a FEAR sometimes, ok like ALL the time, that God will choose not to heal me! It is a very real fear because in 2 weeks or so, I begin chemo and radiation therapy, lasting about 6 weeks long. What if God chooses to not heal me? Has this all been for nought? Absolutely not! He is so faithful in His promise; I have asked Him to keep me around on this earth for long enough to talk with Zachary and to put him on the school bus.....basically for Zachary to remember his mum. I know, morbid talk, but it's the reality. I believe in miracles and I believe I can be a miracle witness for God. I am scared of writing this down, but you have gotten used to me being scared so I will say it: I am afraid of the chemo and radiation therapy NOT working. What if it doesn't work? Oh my goodness, to see the words down in black and white makes it all the more real. And me all the more human. I am but a human, Lord. Please be gracious to me and allow me the opportunity to see my son grow up. I love you and thank you, Lord and am so grateful for your abundant blessings. Thank you, Jesus.

So, here come the photos of the scar, a week and three days post surgery and taken by moi. So they are not that good :-) But they are out there and I want you to see them.

Ok I am off to bed again! To snuggle up to my handsome husband and love on him. And yes, the last picture of me is as cute as I can look at 351am on Saturday morning with no makeup. Not bad for a first try? I have to give Zev KUDOS for today BTW: not only did he ask about wigs at the oncologist but he even asked about massage therapy! So proud of my man!

Ok off to bed I go!

Love FIFi xoxo


ELI BAZAN said...


Anonymous said...

Fiona, you are BEAUTIFUL! Your scars look like they are healing well. :-)
I pray that each day you are feeling better and that God grants the prayer we are all praying.
Love, Bruce and Mina

Gena said...

Hey Sweet Girl, boy with your wonderful full head of hair your very large (YIKES) scar is pretty much hidden, although I do guess that it has been the source of your pain. You look beautiful Fi as you always have and always will. Your beauty is not only physical but spiritual.

I pray that Our Lord will grant you a long life so that Zachary will know what a wonderful mum God has blessed him with. Sure you are scared but you have so much faith in God and His will that He has great plans for you.
Thanks for sharing your awake times with us. We know how precious each minute of each day is to you and your beautiful family. Kisses to you and the boys. XOXO

Hollie said...

I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming chemo and radiation.

My Brother in Law, Justin, is fighting the same battle and WINNING! He has Astrocytoma Stage 4 and has been on chemo/ radiation for 18 months. His tumor has remained stable and is barely visible. It CAN happen. Thank you for sharing your story.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Sister Fiona!! You are such a light for Jesus! Your faith is such an inspiration and encouragement to so many people across this earth. Thank you for being so real and honest! Our prayers are the same for you, to heal you and for you to see your precious son grow up and for you to spend life on earth with your wonderful husband. We will continue to keep you in prayer! Thank you for telling us the name of your devotional. I have thought about asking several times, but sadly didn't. Thank you for taking the time in your wee hours of the morning to share you journey with us. We will be here for you ALWAYS and will keep you and your precious family in prayers!! You look AMAZING, your friend Gena above said it are not only beautiful pysically but spiritually as well! Rest well today! Lots of love, LaDonna and the Armstrong Clan

zevandfi said...

Dear sweet friends, thank you all for the ENCOURAGEMENT! Seriously, it is awesome! I really read each comment (it gets sent to my hotmail address as well) and love them. So thanks :-)) Fiona xo

Anonymous said...

You look GREAT!

Praying for you and your beautiful family!

Erin B. from VA

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful... staples and all!
Jeanne Liles

Laura and Ryan said...

You look gorgeous my dear! Wow! Thank you for the name of your devotional...was wanting to ask you the same thing. Girl, you know we serve a mighty God who can move the mountains. He is mighty to save! Keep your faith sweet sister :) We are still in constant prayer for all 3 of you.

Lindsey said...

How beautiful you look!!

Anonymous said...

You haven't changed. Stop worrying about your looks! You look cancer free and radiant.

I've read so much about the power of the mind. You can talk to your body just like you do plants and as plants flourish from that so will your body. Convince it that it is not sick.

You'll be fine :)