I asked God...

And He answered me.  I prayed to God yesterday, for guidance on which neurosurgeon I should choose to perform surgery on my brain.  I still feel like I am in a movie sometimes.  Last night I verbalized to Zev "I have brain cancer."  And I actually smiled.  Yes, I have brain cancer, but I am going to survive this.  Not sure for how long and my honest prayer is that it is long enough to spend time on earth, making a difference in lives, seeing my son grow up and leading people to Christ, but God has given me the gift of time.  Zev found out that a former colleague's wife lost his wife last week.  She died suddenly after falling and hitting her head while moving a box.  She was about my age.  The gift of time.... 

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."  James 1:5

My mind wasn't made up when we returned from Baltimore, but I had some gut feelings which I wanted to pray over and make sure that they were sound judgments.  We have decided to go with Dr. Q at Johns Hopkins.  He will be performing brain surgery on Thursday, August 16th.  Please pray for God to guide his hands and his mind and his concentration on this day (it's not like they are performing brain surgery or anything! Ha).  He estimates the surgery will take about 4 to 5 hours.  I am excited about brain surgery.  Dr. Q (his real name is Dr. Alfredo Quinones-Hinojosa and he has a remarkable story...comes from humblest beginnings as an illegal Mexican migrant worker from Mexicali, Mexico and worked his way up, literally, to being one of the best brain surgeons at Johns Hopkins), is a nice guy.  Maybe a little flamboyant in a Latin American man kind of style, but I can kind of relate to that.  He made me smile on the inside when I heard his accent and smelt his aftershave...reminded me of my dad (in a good way, dad!!)  Maybe that brought comfort to me.  He was also interested in the fact that my mum was from Lima, Peru, my dad from Montevideo, Uruguay and that I had worked hard to get where I was.  He listened as I told him what a role faith played and he told me that God guides his hands and he is only as good as his team.  I remembered that.  Zev told him about me learning German in order to do a Masters of Laws.  Zev has been such an advocate for me.  I am in awe at the wonderful man he is.  Dr. Q took the time to get to know us personally.  I told him that my mum taught me to speak Spanish because you never know when I would need it.  I want him to really remember me and remember that I have a son and a vibrant life.  I want him to see a picture of Zachary.

He is just a man.  Just a man. God will guide him.  I will pray with him before surgery.  I can't believe I am having brain surgery in less than 2 weeks....

Here is a link to the CNN interview with Dr. Sanjay Gupta:

If you are interested in the nuts and bolts of what will be happening to me, here is what I understand so far.  I am a lawyer and not a doctor, but it is amazing what Zev and I have picked up in the past almost three weeks of this experience.  Our medical vocabulary has certainly expanded!  Zev has been an incredible source of strength and support here on earth during my journey.  He has even manned up and is taking notes in a PINK book, which is contained in a PINK folder.  I don't know why that speaks to me, but it does.  He knows I love pink.   

 

 

So here is what we know.  I have Grade 3 anaplastic astrocytoma glioma.  I may have some elements of a Grade 4 glioma but the doctors won't know until they do a resection.  They only have a brain biopsy to go by.  Grade 4 is the worst, so I am grateful that I only have a Grade 3.  When given lemons, make lemonade right?  My glioma is in the frontal left portion of my brain but crosses into the right side through the corpus callosum.  The surgeon can only operate on one side because to do two sides would cause too much stress on my brain.  They think they will be able to get out about half the tumor, maybe more.  Dr. Q showed me my brain and showed me how the big chunk of the tumor is about the size and shape of a lemon.  Picture a roughly 5.5 cm by 4.4 cm lemon.  With roots seeping into my brain and across the left and right side.  The challenge is that these tiny, microscopic "roots" are hard to get to.  I am going back into Johns Hopkins next Wednesday for a functional MRI.  This is to test my functional capacity (hope I pass!! haha) and to map out my brain essentially, telling the doctors what areas to avoid (cognitive, language etc).  Amazing stuff.  I will be in an IMRIs room.  Intraoperative MRI, where they can pause during surgery and do an MRI to check on things.  Please pray for me on the 16th of August and for my recovery afterwards.  I have a peace now.  I am trying and succeeding in staying positive.  Jesus is so good.  I dwell in His presence every day.  Every single day...

I will begin radiation therapy and chemotherapy about 2 weeks after the surgery, to allow my brain time to heal and any swelling to go down.  Estimated length of this treatment is 6 weeks.

This is what makes me happy right now.  Family and friends and fellowship.  I am grateful for this experience, because it has allowed the grandparents to come and visit Zachary!  Dad and Ceci are arriving very soon and we know that Zachary can't wait to meet his Aussie grandparents!

I tried to capture the profiles of my two boys.  People say that Zachary has my eyes and round head, but I see Zev's profile.  His nose and cheeks. 

And I would not normally put two photos of me on my own blog, but I will.  Just so you can see my point about the eyes :-))  I know this is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things, and maybe a wordly thing...but I am not looking forward to having a headband scar around my head after the surgery.  I know, vanity.  Thankfully I have a lot of hair.  Maybe it will grow back?

The grandmas were loving attending to Zachary.  He was loving it too.  He is so loved.

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up.  You will increase my honor and comfort me once again."  Psalm 71: 20-21